You Make Me Come Alive.

Live Move Breathe

One of the most defining moments in my faith happened in the midst of an anxiety attack. God wrapped me in His arms, pulled me close to His heart, and whispered pure shalom into my soul. I will never forget that feeling of pure love radiating throughout the depths of my being. That was the day I completely trusted God with my mental illness.

Mental Illness. A lot of people stumble over those words, because mental illness is scary. It unfortunately has a lot of stigma around it and is filled with uncertainty. If I’ve learned anything from this crazy mess, it is that there is power in putting a name on it. Like a breath of fresh air after being underwater too long, it can hurt at first. It feels forced, urgent, and rough. But once your lungs feel how rejuvenating that oxygen is… man, the air is so sweet.

Seeking help was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Because that meant admitting to myself, my family, friends, and doctors that I wasn’t okay. I was scared that it meant I had lost faith in God or that I didn’t believe He could heal me. I want to tell you right now, those are lies straight from the enemy. Seeking help has made me so much healthier spiritually, as well as physically and emotionally. God has used doctors to help me and I believe whole heartedly that is just as praise worthy as parting the sea.

I’ve been in the valley, I’ve been on the mountain top, and I’ve been at sea level just floating along. It is even okay to experience these in ups and downs. I’ve made the mistake of thinking “I was doing so well, so I can’t get bad again. That’s not allowed.” Friend, that is so okay. All are valid and have value in God’s kingdom. Mental illness is a process, a daily battle. One of my favorite songs says this “Your love is my battle cry, the anthem for all my life.” That is the outlook I pray to have everyday as I face this journey.

When we lean into God, we find life in the fullest. Even in the chaos of mental illness, God is an ever present help. When we give it all to Him, He shows up in ways we never thought possible. I pray that you take heart and have courage, know He has overcome. The Lord is present in your situation. God has shown up on my journey. He’s shown up in the prayers of my family & friends. He’s shown up in the caring words of encouragement given by professors and the kind eyes of nurses. He’s shown up in the tough therapy sessions and in the laughs I’ve held on to. He is living, moving, and breathing in my situation. I know this to be true, because I am alive in Him.

In Him we live & move & have our being”  Acts 17:38

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