It was in one of my favorite places on earth that my life was turned upside down. I was in a place where I feel overflowing joy and the peace of the Lord. On a cool June night, I got a phone call from my brother, his voice held the weight of a heartbreak he was about to lay upon me. This call changed my heart. This call brought me one of the deepest sorrows I had ever felt. Delivered from the mouth of someone I love with every fiber of my being, someone who knows my heart better than most, I could hear the grief in his voice. Three words changed my heart.
“Spencer, Angie died.”
When I was in middle school, I met a fire-cracker of a human. Her outgoing personality and spunky jokes intimidated me, but we somehow made a connection. We found out we both grew up in Southern California and had moved to Yuma the same year. We loved the same tv shows & music, No Doubt’s Running became our anthem. For the first time, I had felt home. Her friendship was my home. Every weekend was spent together, from sleepovers and movies to late night phone calls, she was my best friend. As high school started, we started to drift apart, like most middle school friends. But we still had a connection, when my brother was sick and other trials of life, she was the first one by my side. We could pick up right where we left off, like no time had passed at all. This girl knew my heart and soul, every part of me that was hard to tell others, she understood. She taught me how to live more genuinely and love fearlessly. I never told her how thankful I am.
Here I am now, starting my Senior year in university with a heavy heart. For years, I’ve been living without truly embracing it all. I am so unbelievably lucky. How blessed am I to be part of a family that lives out unconditional love. To have a mother who shows me sacrificial love daily and a father who’s heart is guided by kindness & love. To have brothers who teach me what it means to live passionate lives and a sister who sees beauty where my blind spots are.
To be overwhelmed with love by the Maker of the Stars, to think He knows my name. To open my eyes each morning & see a world full of possibility. To breathe in second chances every morning. To be given the opportunity to fully live each morning. Oh how blind I had been. It was only in my deepest sorrows that I saw, oh how I truly saw, what it means to be grateful for today. It took losing someone so dear to my heart to wake me up from my complacency. If only I had learned that a long time ago. I pray that’s not what it takes for you.
As for me, I will take each day for what it is, a gift. I will love courageously for the first.
run, running all the time, running to the future: with you right by my side…