Redeeming Light.

Growing up in Arizona, we use to joke that summer days don’t actually start until about 9PM. Although the summer heat was still a strong force, the harsh sun had gone to bed and our adventures were guided by nothing more than a few street lights and a vast blanket of stars. This picture seems to be a spot on representation of the season of life I find myself in. God is a strong and warm force, even though His light seems nothing more than stars light-years away. He’s close, I can feel it, but the glimpses of the Kingdom seem so far to my little eyes. Yet somehow, I’m finding my way home.

Before time began, God dreamed up each and every one of us. He thought of me. He knit me in my mother’s womb so specifically. He knew every decision generations of people had to make for me to end up here right now breathing and typing this story out. He made ME for such a time as this…

But why? 

The last year of my life has been filled with a lot of questions. “Why…” seems to be the most frequent. I have asked God a lot of hard, doubtful, and scary questions. There are so many broken pieces that I want to be cleaned up already, but I’m glad they’re not. God’s timing is something I have always struggled with, yet here I am realizing just how much I need it to be in His control.

During my time in India, our gracious host Sharola was waiting for her baby to arrive. Her doctor had asked if she wanted to be induced, but she knew her sweet daughter just wasn’t ready yet. Her maternal instincts told her to wait, she knew her daughter, and she knew she wasn’t ready. In this simple, common place,  circumstance God spoke to the depths of my being. God knows me more than anyone else. He created me, gave me my mother, gave me breath; so what if every time I thought He gave me no answer, He was really saying “I know you my daughter and I know you’re not ready.” 

So easily I forget that He is mindful of me. He provides the wind beneath the wings of birds, and if I am more precious than they, then of course His light, no matter how dim, guides the path before me. Because even those stars, a  million light-years away, shimmer so radiantly against the dark sky. Suddenly I find the question being asked of me: Why Spencer? Why haven’t you trusted me? Why have you hidden the light I gave you? Have I not made you a city on a hill? Have I not shown you time and time again how light delivers the lost out of darkness? Where are you being light in dark places?

The beauty of God’s redemption is that He invites us to not only be redeemed ourselves, but to lead others into redemptive narratives. I may not be ready for an answer or an action, because God is writing a story that demands I live fully in all circumstances in order to fuel a brighter light. To be more like Christ, my heart has to break and it has to overcome by His strength alone.

Mordecai told Esther that God would deliver the Jews, with or without her, but maybe, just maybe, she was placed in the palace for such a time…
Ruth told Naomi “your people will be my people, your God will be my God…”
Mary sang praises to God even when she knew the world would ridicule her…
Mary Magdalene wanted to honor Jesus even in her mourning…

Esther faced potential death, but she saved the Jews.
Ruth found a new life in Boaz and became part of Jesus’ bloodline.
Mary bore the Savior of the World.
Mary Magdalene was the first to see the resurrected Jesus and proclaim the greatest news in history.

In the face of fear, uncertainty, and mourning these women followed God and participated in the redemptive narrative of the world. Could God not be asking the same of you and me? To simply say yes, even when we wish the light was brighter? Even when we wish we had an answer? Even when others say no? God wants a yes. Fear, guilt, shame: they are all lies. Thank God He is the author of truth.

I have seen the light and how my soul delights in it. My story is still being written, but God doesn’t get writers block. I will not be stuck in a dark chapter, because the Light of the World goes before me and He has set my soul ablaze.

Today, I’m saying yes to the Redeemer of all things, that He would be gracious enough to invite me in.